Understanding The Prophet's Life
From Issue: 831 [Read full issue]
Arguments
Conflict validates the ego, and it is the reason why people do things believing they are sincere. Shidad bin Aws called this "hidden desire". For instance, a liberal politician fancies himself to be an advocate of democracy and open dialogue when opinion is moving according to his interests, but when opinion goes the other way, he starts appealing for a crackdown or military intervention. In the same way, an Islamist politician prides himself in being an upholder of people’s rights and an advocate of moderation. However, as soon as he is put to the test, as soon as his professed values conflict with his vested interests, all that goes away.
We might say that our disagreements do not affect our love for each other, but when disagreement actually happens, we are all too often prepared to lash out against each other with ferocity.
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: "I guarantee a house on the outskirts of Paradise for someone who gives up an argument even if he is right, and a house in the middle of Paradise for one who abandons lies even when joking, and a house in the highest part of Paradise for one who makes his character excellent." [Abu Dawud]
It is also related that he said: "Whoever leaves off arguing even though he is right, Allah will build him a house in the middle of Paradise." [Tirmidhi]
The ego does not permit anyone to bring it down. It has its own way of guarding itself against being violated. When someone criticises or insults me, it is taken as an attack on the ego which responds by trying to repair the damage either by constructing justifications and defences for itself or by lashing back with insults against the other party. It does not matter whether the other party is right or wrong. The ego’s job is to protect the person’s self-identity more than reality will allow.
Compiled From:
"An Accomplished Actor" - Salman al-Oadah