Foundations of a successful
marriage
Love is the bedrock of marriage, and one of its twin foundations.
When two people choose each other for lifelong partners, in
a lawful union sanctioned by Divine Writ, God Almighty makes
it obligatory upon Himself to protect them. Their love is
an expression of the Divine Love, for God Himself is "Al-Wadud"
the Loving One. A marriage, based on true love and in fulfillment
of God's writ is therefore a taste of Divine Love.
Aside from Love alone, the following form core features of
a successful marriage:
M - Mercy.
Mercy is one of the twin pillars of Marriage. God Almighty
tells us " And among His signs is that He created for
you, among yourselves, spouses that you may dwell in tranquility;
and He has placed between you Love and Mercy" (Sura Rum)
A - Attentiveness.
Many a marriage falters because the initial attentiveness
to each other fades away in the wake of other pursuits, hobbies,
interests etc. If spouses were to take enough time to be attentive
to each other, to recognize the needs of each other and to
respond accordingly, marriage would be strengthened.
R - Respect.
Respect is born not only out of admiration for the other,
but out of a deep understanding that your spouse fills the
vacuum in your life. Respect must include a respect for the
sensitivities of each other, his/her likes and dislikes, your
roles and responsibilities among other things.
R - Rights and Responsibilities.
Any successful marriage seeks to create a balance between
rights and responsibilities. A spouse who only cares about
his/her rights only and reneges on his/her responsibilities
is not only unfair, but undermines the foundations of the
marriage.
I - Integrity.
A key ingredient in marriage, and even before marriage at
the stage of engagement. Integrity engenders trust. Lack of
it breeds mistrust which erodes a happy marriage.
A - Acknowledgement.
Spouses must acknowledge the positive things in the other
and seek to remember these at times of difficulty and tension.
At the same time, spouses must acknowledge their own weaknesses
and seek to rectify them, rather than to be defensive and
to be in denial. After all, spouses are "garments"
to each other - embellishing and protecting each other.
G - Goodness.
Represented by the Arabic term "Ma'aruf", this quality
is mentioned several times in one page of the Qur'an, both
in the context of living together or in contemplation of separation.
Goodness or kindness must be expressed in every way - in the
choice of words, the tone of voice, the sacrifices, forgiveness
and overlooking of each other's faults.
E - Expressions of Love.
Spouses must not be shy in expressing their love for each
other, in both words and deeds. The Prophet (peace be upon
him) taught us to show our love by placing a spoonful of food
in the mouths of our beloved; and even when Khadija (may Allah
be pleased with her) passed away, he spoke of her in terms
of endearment.
